Tell me more

I’ve been back at my old job for several weeks, helping finish up the season. I had just mentioned to a friend that it would be good to have something to do for a few weeks to earn some money before the end of the year and this job literally dropped on me a couple of days later. The money is good, stress minimal.  Nothing there has changed except me. So much of what used to drive me crazy doesn’t seem all that important anymore. God has done a good work in me in 2009, momentum and power, healing and expanding. I am truly grateful that I when I look back at this year, I don’t have to say that nothing has changed. I am not stuck, praise God.

Now it is time for me to decide if I want to return for the final year of the season (I work in television production) in 2010. It seems as if the word from God is that it doesn’t really matter whether I go or stay…either way…it’s all grace.  Sometimes I think it would be completely crazy not to go back. I would have lots of time off, plenty of money and a very low stress job compared to most who do what I do. At other times I am certain my spirit will just die if I stay. As if the whole work of leaving this job last year, trying to find something to do in the service of God’s kingdom, will be a big flipping failure if I just end up back where I started. Yes, I am a very all or nothing, black or white sort of girl. The truth is that there are positives and negatives to both sides of the issue. The way I am going to get to my ‘ground truth’ (a phrase I love from the book “Fierce Conversations”)  is to keep asking the right questions…writing, praying and talking to the people who love me.

I have this tendency, when people are telling me about something they are wrestling with, to jump in and give my two cents.  Usually before they ask for my opinion, probably before they are done talking or thinking it out for themselves. As if I know what is better for anyone else anyway…please.  This phrase ‘tell me more’  popped into my awareness last week. I like it and want to incorporate it into my life. I know this is how God is listening…tell me more, I am here with you, take all the time you need,  I love you and together we will sort this out. I want to be a better listener, both to myself and to the people I love, as always…hoping that God is conforming me to his own heart.