Just checking in
August 18, 2010 at 8:35 pm 1 comment
No yoga today…its at least 100 degrees in my bedroom upstairs. I need to go get an AC unit to have installed up here. I’ll do my breathing exercises before bed. Supplements, prayer + dog. Not bad.
I’ve been having these little breakthroughs of sparkly sunshine in my mind. Yesterday I was listening to music in the car, drinking my favorite anti-depressant Vietnamese coffee. For a small moment, everything was okay and I wasn’t drowning in grief or self-hate or guilt. Today I read a great blog post by one of my favorite writers…again…a moment of hope peering through the clouds.
I’m thinking about going back on medications, but I want to give the supplements a chance to work first. I’m up to 1000mg of the niacin. Will do that for one more week and then see if I can tolerate 1500. Been eating almost no meat, more vegetables and fruits, less dairy. Still eating a lot of sugar, but certain that in the big picture it doesn’t matter all that much. Trying to care for my brain. Still not certain what is going on in my soul. I know that this go-around with the depression is both physical and spiritual. Hormonally I am a little crazy but the acupuncture seems to be helping the hot flashes and so I hope will assist with the moodiness. Supplements, yoga and diet for the brain. I am not sure how to address whatever it is that feels like it is dying in my heart.
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Steve | December 2, 2010 at 7:28 am
Just ran across your pages here…I am a lifelong sufferer of “depression” which is a term that gets bandied about by a lot of people that have no clue as to what it is. You know “…hey all you need to do is cheer up.” That’s so funny. As far back as I can remember there were symptoms that I 1) had no idea they were symptoms, and 2) not knowing it was depression having no clue what to do. It took until I was about 36 or 37 until it was actually diagnosed. At that point it was like a light went on in a dark room, there were so many things that I dealt with that were actually symptoms of depression and it made so much sense. And while knowing what it is helps it is certainly not a cure. I hate taking meds but they are the only thing that seem to keep some of the physical symptoms at bay. However, they have still not cured my depression in general as it is still hanging there in the background it seems. Some days, weeks, months are good/OK and some are bad and I understand that inability to help pull yourself up out of it. Sometimes it seems you just can’t so you hope you can make it through the day and at least function at a minimum level in order to do what has to be done. Prayer does seem to help at time but at others it does not. My feeling at this point in my life (I’m 53 now) is that this is what God has given me to bear for whatever reason and I just carry on.
At any rate didn’t mean to ramble on here just wanted to share some of my experience. Hang in there.
Steve