Longing for home

Depression sucks. I am so discouraged to find myself back here again, hanging on by a thread.

I’m doing some things to try and help. Things to hold onto until hopefully, the will to live comes home. Its a battle: the lousy thing about being depressed is how it takes away the desire to do anything that might help. It always seems like a better idea to stay in bed, sleep, watch television. Initiative is difficult to find.

Here is my current plan: Yoga everyday for the next 30 days starting on Aug 10.  My minimum is 10 minutes on the mat, even if its just breathing exercises. I’m taking Omega 3 oils + niacin supplements.  The dog needs a walk or training session every day. Acupuncture 1x per week.  That’s it. I have other things I do as I can…writing, looking for a new therapist, talking with friends, prayer…but I don’t force myself. It only adds to one of those other hallmarks of depression…guilt…when I don’t make it.

I read this excerpt from a poem by Rumi “I did not come here of my own accord and I cannot leave that way. Whoever brought me here will have to take me home…”  This is my conversation with God right now. You brought me here, you made me and you will have to take me home. My days of thinking I will be the one to send myself home are over (I hope).  Right now, I am not thinking of suicide as an option. I pray that it stays that way.

Advertisement